What It Means to Be Slytherin
by LostAndAwaiting
Summary: Growing up, two life long friends face many things together, especially being in the Slytherin House. When war breaks out and allegiances are made, what does it truly mean to be a Slytherin? Does finding oneself mean losing everything else? RBxBCJ
1. Prologue

What It Means to Be Slytherin  
Author: LostAndAwaiting  
Rating: M  
Warnings: Slash, semi-smut in later chapters, Dark themes, Character Death, Language  
A/N: Sorry for the short prologue. I've been thinking about this story for over two years and finally got most of it together in my head. This will be a dark tale, but I feel it's one to be told as no one ever does Reg or Barty stories. It's also slightly AU as I might change some of what happened in the Harry Potter books, but I'll try and follow what JKR wrote. Reviews and PMs are greatly appreciated.  
Disclaimer: Would I be writing this on if I owned any of this at all??

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We sat on top of this old, dilapidated wall. We'd been sitting at this spot for nearly seven years. It was our ritual. We'd gone through puberty together, girlfriends, detention, Sorting, everything. We usually came here when he had something weighing heavily on our shoulders.

Tonight was no exception.

I could hardly believe this was our last night at Hogwarts. Tomorrow would be the Graduating Ceremony and then we'd leave with our families. And that would be it. We will move on to the next phase in life, get married, have kids, and send them here. It was one cyclical situation.

And frankly, it scared the two of us. We wanted more out of life than just school, work, family, etc. There was so much more out there. It was like it was at our fingertips. And the thing is, we're Slytherins; we're bound to go after it. We had tasted the freedom that is not being around our demanding families and we wanted more. No one likes being compared to his or her own father. Having his success thrown in my face day after day was a rigorous mental exercise he liked to put me through.

And as for my best mate, it was expected from him. More so than me. Because even though I am pureblood, my family has never been as into the Dark Arts and pureblood-mania as his.

"So, this is it, mate." He said, running a hand through his black hair.

"Eh, it is, indeed." I replied, looking to the horizon.

"I can see it now. I perfect world and we are at it's top." He said, spreading his arms to the world before him.

"Aye." I said, nodding.

There was a moment of silence where we both looked at each other. Not really sure if we believed it ourselves. Was this real? Could this really happen to us? Did we really believe it? Did we believe what was spoon-fed to us?

"Where do you think we'll be in five years?" He asked more solemnly.

"I just hope to be alive." I stated blankly.

He nodded. "And keep our sanity." He said almost jokingly.

They remained in silence as the sun slowly sank beneath the ground. The Darkness surrounded them and they both felt its presence and the loss of their innocence, not just because it was their last day at Hogwarts. Because they had already plunged and committed themselves. The ink on the both of their Dark Marks had not fully dried yet and the pain of what this meant for the both of them weighed heavily on the hearts of Regulus Black and Barty Crouch Jr.


	2. Letter to Me

A/N: So bare with me people. I really like the idea of this story, but I'm not sure were it's going to go totally. I love the idea of Reg/Barty though and I'm glad I got some reviews on the last story. This chapter is pretty tame, but it will get worse. So just a warning for people that don't like violence or slash. Please feel free to review or PM me; I do love them and seem to write more the more I get them. Also, I'm looking for a Beta if anyone is interested.

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A book was once found. Written with quill and ink, a story about a boy and his journey to manhood, how he loved and lost, and how his actions changed his life forever. His story is not for the timid or those who want just to see Light triumph Dark. No, this is what it is to really be a Slytherin.

A note on the inside read:

_I suppose from early on I knew what as happening. I knew what I was doing. Mum was busy taking care of the house and me, while Dad was too busy with work. He was a great man, I suppose, but I always saw him as never there, as neglecting me. We had money enough, but he always wanted more than that. _

_I learned early on about how caught up in things I could get. I was always into mischief, and I suppose that's part of the reason I was sorted in Slytherin. There are reasons for this statement and by the end, it'll be explained. But there was another part of me and that was ambition -t I wanted to prove to my father – and to everyone that I was just as good if not better._

_Ambition is often a word that is thrown around as a synonym for Slytherin, but that isn't all we possess. And it isn't necessarily a bad thing. Many Slytherins have lead noble and glorious lives. I am not one of them, but do not think, reader, that we are all like this. It just so happens that I feed into this fateful stereotype that so many before me have. But there are reasons. _

_No one knew what happened behind closed doors, but Bartemius Crouch wasn't half the man that everyone thought he was. There are painted portraits of him decorating various Ministry offices. They say he's made great advancements in law. He rules through cruel power. I've seen it._

_I want to tell my story to make things right. To tell how things really were. I made bad choices, and I must suffer for them, but that does not leave out the fact that these choices were made for a reason, and not entirely for a selfish reason. I've become jaded and vindictive, but the truth is still the truth._

_I do not know who will read this, and nor do I care really. I just need to know that it will be read. And in this, my life will not be wasted – at least no more than has been already. So take it or leave it, but this how things happened, the way I perceived it._

_B. Crouch Jr._

---

I received my letter in the middle of a hot June day. We were at the beach, Mum and I, not far from our home off the coast. Our owl flew by and landed near me. I never got any letters and so I tried shooing the bird off towards Mother. But it wouldn't leave. Instead, it screeched at me and shook the leg that the letter was on.

Mum noticed the Hogwarts seal first and told me to open it. That it was for me. I looked up at her and smiled. The cool breeze swept through my hair as I took the parchment from the bird.

_Mr. Bartemius Crouch Jr.  
The Second Bedroom on the Left  
13 Hitchison Dr.  
Dover  
Kent_

_HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY_

_Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore_

_(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)_

_Dear Student,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment._

_Term begins on 1 September and we expect an owl no later than July 31._

_Yours Sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall_

Of course I would be going. Mum had been teaching me since I was 4. I didn't have a wand, but early on, I was gifted with being able to use magic. I couldn't really control it, but Mum practiced spells and we worked on basic potions. We actively read up on the great Troll Wars. No son of Baretmius Crouch Sr. would do poorly. And of course I was going to Hogwarts. There was no other place for me to go with Father climbing the ranks of the Ministry.

But it was for the best. And as the summer waned and came to a close, I was more eager than ever to be on my way. I had a wand in my hand, robes in my trunk, and fresh parchment to take notes on. The only thing I was worried about was the Sorting Ceremony.

I boarded the train eagerly and kissed Mum, who was tearing along with all the other First Year mothers, goodbye. Father had a big case to deal with back at the Ministry and left early that morning to tend to it. Not that I cared. Turning my back and taking a deep breath, I headed into the nearest cable car.

There was boy in it, dark, shaggy hair with a bit of a smirk on his face – Regulus Black. We'd met a few times at dinner parties, Quidditch games, and at the Ministry when both our fathers decided to drag us there for some unknown reason.

"'Llo. Mind if I sit here?" I asked, pointing to the opposite bench.

He shook his head and so I sat down.

"Barty Crouch." I offered my name.

"Yeah, I remember you. Regulus Black." He said nodding to me.

"You've got a brother that goes here, right?" I asked, wondering if I could get an insight on what the Sorting Ceremony was going to be like.

I heard from a girl on the platform that they made you eat a Metamorphugus Dragon Fly and whatever color it turned in your stomach matched with the House you were to be sorted in.

Regulus, it seemed, did not want to be reminded of his brother. "Yes, but I don't really talk to him anymore." He said, quite closed lipped about it.

I had forgotten about the scandal of Sirius Black being placed into Gryffindor. Not that it mattered much to me, but Mother mentioned it to Father once. Apparently Mr. Black wasn't a happy camper at work for a while after.

"Do you know what they do? At the Ceremony, I mean." I asked, trying not to convey my fear.

He shook his head. "But I'm not worried. I'll be placed in Slytherin; there's no doubt about that." Regulus said confidently, tucking his hands into his pockets.

"Why do you think that?" I asked.

Mum always thought I'd be placed in Ravenclaw like her. She said I was quite smart and that's where most of the smart witches and wizards went. Though she said I had Father's drive and that could take me far with Slytherin.

"Because I'm a Black for one. And for another, who wouldn't want to be in Slytherin except for do-gooder Gryffindors?" He said smugly as the train finally began moving. "Not that they condone rule breaking, but Slytherins are meant to be the ones who cross the line. They are clearly the most powerful as they are filled with purebloods; nothing has tainted the magic, you see, so Slytherin is just simply better."

I nodded my head and listened to him speak. I didn't know much about the different houses, but the more I heard, the more I wanted to be a Slytherin. He told me that Hufflepuffs are worthless and no one knows what they are there for, Ravenclaws are stuck in their books all day and don't know how to have fun, and he had a lot to say about Gryffindors.

"Full of Muggleborns for one." He said, with his chest puffed out.

"What does that mean?" I asked. Mum never really cared for Muggles, but she never spoke ill of them either. I didn't know why he didn't dislike them so much.

He scoffed at my ignorance, which me scowl at him. "Ease up there. I didn't mean anything by it." He told me with a shrug. "My mum and dad say that they are dirty, filthy people. Muggles are a bunch of idiots, and Muggleborns don't have the right to be in Hogwarts. They don't even know what Magic is until they get their letter!"

"Not know about Magic?!" I questioned. "How do you not know about Magic? How do they do chores or get dressed or make your mum's nasty cooking disappear?"

He shrugged. "How do I know? This is what my parents said."

"Well, that's ridiculous." I stated, still a bit confused.

But as the train went on, and we talked more and more, I started to hope to be put in Slytherin. It seemed intriguing and I was starting to make a friend. If he was going to be there, then at least I wouldn't be alone.

He seemed daring to me. It appeared as if he knew what he was talking about and this was the first time I had really talked to someone my own age. Regulus was also very smart. We talked about some of the spells we already knew, and he knew about some dark spells.

"Aren't the Dark Arts illegal?" I asked, remembering my father talk about several cases he had had.

Regulus shrugged not caring. "I'm not killing anyone. I mean I'm 11, 12 in a few weeks. What am I going to do?"

He had a point. We weren't going to harm anyone and there were some cool spells he learned involving turning things inside out. Not that we were powerful enough to do them to cause harm, but it could help in learning the anatomy of a spider or other bug lurking around.

It didn't take much longer for us to pull into the train station at Hogsmeade. We had already changed into our robes just after dusk, and as we got off the train, a rather large man with a horrible accent greeted us.

"Firs' years this way!" The man called.

Regulus and I walked past him a little confused and got into the boat with a blonde girl and Scottish twins. The row over there was a bit uneventful. We were all too nervous and in awe with Hogwarts as it loomed over us. It was all lit up. I remember thinking to myself, "And here lies my future."

Oh, what little did I know.


	3. First Year Slytherin

A/N: So this is a bit shorter than I wanted it to be, and covers a bit of time with not much dialogue or scenes. It's more of BCJ's view of becoming a Slytherin and the way it was before the war. Think Hobbits in the Shire.  
Anywhoo, please read and review - I don't know what you people are thinking about the story and it leaves me kind of blind when writing. I know BCJxRAB is an obscure fic pairing, but come on people! Speak!!

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I won't pretend that my intentions have ever been good. I'm not going to paint some lovely story of some heroic Barty Crouch Jr., and how no one understood me. I made my decisions knowing the consequences.

Murder isn't so grey. You murder someone and their dead; you're the one who took their life. It doesn't really matter why. Whether you like watching the life leave their eyes or you were doing so because you thought it was right.

No, I was just some fucked up kid that thought I could gain something from it all. Regulus was the one who got caught up in the wrong crowd. He's the one that at least had some respect. He died trying to make it right.

I'm not even going to bother to try. I've done too much, and now I'm stuck being shoved under a cloak whilst a halfwitted elf looks after me. No, I won't ruin what I have. I'll stay under the radar for now and continue writing. I'll remain loyal to the ideal that the Dark Lord had for it's all I have now.

But back then, it seemed I had it all.

I looked up anxiously at the Sorting Hat and bench as Regulus Black took his turn. Professor McGonagall had called the first years up one by one alphabetically, and it was his turn now.

He sat up there proudly. His eyes were locked on something, and I had followed his gaze to his brother. When the hat blared out that he was a Slytherin, he smirked. Reg hopped off the chair and headed towards his new house. I looked back at his brother who turned back to his friends. It seemed there was a glimmer of hope from Sirius Black.

Guess roles were reversed in the end. Sirius Black was the true Slytherin and it was Reg who had turned his back on his House. At least they had that in common. But I'm getting ahead of myself. The dynamics of the House of Black still allude me, and I care not to speak of things I'm not knowledgeable.

But what I do know is that at that moment, the two were definitely separated forever. And it would have its lasting effect. It isn't so easy to turn your back on a family member.

And I would know.

Names droned on and on: Slytherin, Hufflepuff, Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw. And then it was my turn. With the longing for Slytherin in my heart, I stepped up to the stool and placed the hat on my head.

"Ah, Bartemius Crouch Junior. I remember your father. You have the same ambition that he had. It'll take you far. But I see you have a knack for Magic. Ravenclaw could use a mind like yours."

I projected the words 'Slytherin' over and over again to the hat. It's all I really wanted.

"But I see your heart longs for camaraderie. And with a strong passion like that, I can't deny that you won't do well. It'll be SLYTHERIN!"

The green and silver table erupted once more into cheers as I took my place across from Regulus. He smiled over at me.

"I knew you'd be one of us. Spotted it on the train." He said dignified, a smirk held to his face.

And so my first days at Hogwarts weren't much different than most people. We learned the ropes of the school, and as classes started up, I'd learned and became friends with the other first years.

But from early on, I knew something was going on. It was never openly said, but the older years kept everyone at an arm's length. Growing up in the time that I did, it was like the calm before the storm. Everything was going good. Wizarding Britain was finally getting over Grindelwald's destruction from several decades previously. Things were booming, and yet, there was something brewing. It could only be detected in subtle moments.

I was looking for a library book once when a saw a group of sixth and seventh years talking. I didn't know exactly about what, but I heard the names of some of their family members that had graduated.

Several times when I went into to the bathroom or in the corners of the Common Room, it was like someone had put a Silencing Charm on the lot. They'd look away from me until I left.

I supposed it was just the nature of being a Slytherins. Having the stigma of always being up to something, maybe they were just pranking some lowly Gryffindor. It wasn't up to me to meddle into anything, and I really didn't care what went on behind closed doors.

No, I was content with being with my friends. It first just started out as Reg and I. There were a few other purebloods in our class. We took to teasing the girls, blowing things up, and making fun of dumb Gryffindors. We couldn't go to Hogsmeade and we weren't supposed to do magic outside of class, but charming Gryffindor shoe laces to tie themselves together was just too enticing sometimes.

I took to the lessons quite well. Most of the things we learned were quite basic, and although I'd never worked with a wand before, I had known most of the wand movements and spells before. My mother had prepared and taught me well.

I was lacking a bit in potions, but Professor Slughorn took to me, seeing as my father was on the Wizengamot and one of the chief executives in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.

They called his group 'the Slug Club'. For our year, it was me, Reg, a Ravenclaw girl, whose father was on the Chudley Cannons, a Gryffindor boy, whose mother was a Muggle actress (much to Reg and my dismay), and two Hufflepuff cousins, whose parents worked in the Ministry as well.

I did well on a broom, since I had one back home. We went to all the Quidditch games. Slytherin had a great team, and we were all talking about going out for it the next year.

And so the first half of first year was coming to a close, and I couldn't have asked for a better year. Knowing what I know now, looking back on it, I'd have to say it was one of my favorites. We were corrupted by what we believed, but there wasn't any influence. We didn't have to make any tough decision. There was no seperation between us. There was no talk of 'war'. There were no sides. There was just a group of children being children.

But all children have to grow up. And I believe that it was Christmas break that really started to shape our minds.


	4. Loyalties

A/N: Moving a bit slow, I know. I'm trying to introduce the conflicting feelings that Barty had and how he was practically brainwashed. I swear some action will start up soon. Mind you, they are still young.

Reviews make me update faster!! =)

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Coming back home for Christmas that year was a bit different. Mum was so proud of my grades and father was proud to have a legacy. Two Crouches to follow in Slytherin hadn't happened in nearly three decades. Still, I didn't see him that often.

Except for the parties. We were invited to a lot more parties that year, as most of the people in my class were wealthy, purebloods. It was all about society to them as well. I was happy though. It meant that I could hang out with my friends even more.

We were spending Christmas Eve at the Black's. Regulus, the Carrows, and I were playing Exploding Snap at the back of Twelve Grimmauld Place. I remember Father telling me earlier to not talk politics, but us, mimicking our parents, couldn't help it.

"Did you hear about the attack in Burford last week?" Amycus Carrow asked.

"Our father thinks big things are going to happen." Alecto said as she threw a snap nearly right on my foot.

I hopped right in time. "My father says that those Muggles deserved it."

"Mine is trying to investigate it. The Ministry isn't sure who it is." I said, by the way my father had been talking about it nonstop, it seemed the Ministry was at a loss for what was happening.

The three looked at me a little strangely.

"I think it's cool." Alecto said with a smile.

"I wish I could blow things up." Reg said, throwing down an Exploding Snap.

"Yeah." I didn't know what else to say.

Our parents came out, and soon the party was over. I was still a bit confused. I knew my father was a high-ranking person in the Ministry, but what did they mean by what they said?

And it continued like that for many parties. It was like no one knew what was really going on, but they pretended in this way. I tried asking my father, but he didn't care much for my questions. He just told me that the Ministry was taking care of everything.

I didn't really know what that meant, but as I returned to Hogwarts, more and more questions were popping into my mind. And I wasn't getting any answers.

One night, in mid March, I was up late doing my Potions homework when Regulus came back really late.

"Where've you been? You promised we were going to work on this together. I've nearly got it finished!" I yelled at him.

"Don't worry about that now. I was with some of the older boys." Regulus said, being mysterious.

I shrugged. If he didn't want to tell me, fine. I was a bit angry from him skiving off our studies.

But then it started happening more and more. He'd miss dinner or come to class late. I had asked him several times what was going on, but he always gave me the same answer: that he was with some older boys.

Here was my best friend, completely ignoring me. I didn't know he was shutting me out. It seemed like the Slytherin house was starting to divide. There were the ancient families, the ones known for being Dark, and then there was everyone else.

Another attack happened right before our first year exams. This time rumors were spreading that it was a group in dark robes. A skull with a snake slithering out its mouth was seen in the sky above it. Everyone was saying that they were dark wizards and how a Muggleborn witch was targeted. She was married to halfblood and they had three kids. All were killed in the attack.

Most everyone, except Slytherins, was petrified – especially those without a great lineage. But seeing as my family was in it big in the Ministry and I was a pureblood, I had no reason to be afraid either.

Days after the attack, the house was in a stir. Some said it was wrong, others were glad it was just a mudblood family. Some didn't even care, because of the bloodline of the people.

I heard Reg talking once about it with one of his friends. "At least it will never be any one of us." He said.

"People still died…" I said, walking up to them.

I was still fairly innocent up until this point. I guess I was raised in this little bubble, and it was about to be popped.

"What are you some Muggle lover?" One of the third year boys said, pushing me to the ground. "Told you, Black, he's not like us. His bloody father is in the Ministry."

I fell over with a thud and looked up at Regulus. He didn't want to look at me. I finally knew why I was being ostracized. Because my father. I gritted my teeth. That would be the end of that.

"No, no. I didn't mean it like that." I said, still on the ground. "I just meant that mudbloods don't deserve a quick death."

Regulus looked down at me and offered his hand of friendship again. "See, I told you lot. He's not like his father."

The other boy apologized and told me to look them up over the summer. It seemed like I was in. Just because of one stupid comment.

I was only trying to fit in, but when anyone mentions my father, I can't help but lash out. Even at the young age of eleven. He never cared about me and I'd do anything to prove that I wasn't like him. Even if it meant murdering, torturing, and adopting ideals that weren't necessarily mine.

I wanted to be like Regulus. He was always very popular. He had the Black looks, money, and he wasn't a traitor to his name. I guess in that moment, when I decided my loyalties, I really just wanted his approval. I didn't want to lose the one friend that I had made.

I can't really excuse my behavior. I knew what I was saying even then, but Reg and I were friends. And for some reason, I couldn't let that go. I guess I could thank him for how far I've come.


End file.
